The Night I Got "Turned In" To America's Most Wanted

How do I start this story? From 2002 to 2006, before my wife found employment with the school district, I worked a weekend job at the local Pizza Hut as a delivery driver. This was in addition to my regular inventory gig during the week.

One Thursday night in 2005, I was on my way back from an inventory in Iraan, Texas, about 120 miles south of my home. Liz and Robert were at home. Liz heard a knock on the front door and opened it to find a U.S. Marshal standing there.

"Good evening, ma'am. Is your husband at home?" he asked.

"No, he's on his way back from Iraan," Liz answered.

"Do you have a recent picture of your husband, ma'am?"

Liz invited him in and showed him the most recent picture that was hanging in the hall.

"No, that's not the man we're looking for," said the Marshal. He thanked my wife and apologized for disturbing her. Apparently they had received an anonymous tip that a man named David Creamer, who had been recently featured on America's Most Wanted, was in the area and delivered pizzas in Kermit.

He doesn't look like me except for the glasses. His glasses are identical to the ones I wore at the time. He must have gotten his glasses at Wal-Mart just like me. And I did have a mustache at the time, but not a beard.

Interestingly, Creamer is a diabetic, which I am not. That condition must make life on the run even more difficult.

It wasn't until the Marshal left that Liz noticed the four other deputies on the porch, collectively carrying enough firepower to take down a brontosaurus!

"Is daddy in trouble?" Robert asked his mom.

About a week later, Johnny, the manager at the Hut, admitted to me that he knew the name of the customer who had "turned me in" because he (the customer) had been bragging about doing so. The guy who called the show is a security guard and fancies himself an amateur sleuth.

I still see this guy around town, and I've never spoken to him about the incident. I saw him at the grocery store on December 31 and wished him a happy new year. He wished me the same. I am trying to forgive him. Inwardly, though, I still say "G-r-r-r..."

Everyone at Pizza Hut thought the whole thing was funny. My household was not amused.

As for Creamer, he remains at large, probably stopping in from time to time at Wal-Mart to get his glasses adjusted. And probably ordering testing supplies from Wilford Brimley.

And as for me, it was just a coincidence that I decided to get different glasses and shave my mustache off.

How do I end this story? Well ... if you're a fugitive from justice, why not leave me a comment? Or better yet, just keep running...

And as for the rest of you ... say, doesn't that person delivering pizza in your neighborhood look a little seedy?