Thursday, March 10, 2011

Liz Writes a Play!

(Liz was dared by her second-grade students to write a play featuring Justin Beiber.  This is the wonderful result.  Some of these lines are actual quotes attributed to Mr. Beiber, and I have rendered these in red for your convenience.)
Justin Bieber: A Play
Mrs. Kirk’s Second Grade Class
Narrator: Our play begins with meeting Brittany, who just learned that she has won a date with Justin Bieber before his big concert in Kermit, TX at Walton Field.
BRITTANY: OMG, I have a date with Justin Bieber!!! What will we do? What will I wear? What if….
GRANDMA: What are you talking about, silly girl? You ain’t going on no date with no Justin Bieber, and you sure ain’t going to the concert at Walton Field.
BRITTANY: But Grandma, I won the date fair and square, and he’s expecting me to go out with him and go to the show.
GRANDMA: Then plan on me comin’ along, just to make sure he doesn’t hurt my sweet Brittany’s feelings!!!
BRITTANY: But Grandma….
GRANDMA: Young lady, either I go with you on the date and to the concert, or NOBODY’S going!
BRITTANY: OK (sighs).
GRANDMA: Guess I’ll go see which church dress will look best at the concert. Don’t want to call attention to myself. (walks out the door)

BRITTANY: What am I going to do ? I can’t have Grandma coming with us….but
(At this moment, the doorbell rings. Brittany runs to answer the door. Standing at the door is Justin Bieber, along with his bodyguard, Gus).
GUS: Are you Brittany?
BRITTANY: (nods, unable to speak)
GUS: Brittany, this is my boss, Justin Bieber.
JUSTIN: Hello, Brittany. (hands her a single rose). I am so happy to see you.
BRITTANY: (still unable to speak)
JUSTIN: Are you ready to go?
(Just then, Grandma comes out of her bedroom in a brightly-flowered dress, straw hat, and white shoes. She sees Gus and Justin).
GRANDMA: Are you that Bieber that my granddaughter can’t stop talkin’ about?
JUSTIN: Yes ma’am.
GRANDMA: And who is that guy with you?
GUS: I am his bodyguard, Gus.
GRANDMA (looking both of them up and down): Not much body to guard, is there?
GRANDMA: I have just a few questions for you, Bieber.
JUSTIN: Please…my friends call me Justin.
GRANDMA: Bieber, what is your favorite thing in the world?
JUSTIN: Nothing gets my pulse racing like hockey. Well, nothing except Beyonce, but that wasn’t until I was 12 or so. It’s like I opened my eyes and noticed the world is full of beautiful girls, and I’ve had a hard time thinking of anything else ever since.
GRANDMA: SO…is my granddaughter Brittany pretty in your opinion?
JUSTIN: I haven’t seen any other girls here in Kermit. So…I guess she’s pretty….for a Kermit girl.
JUSTIN: Don’t get upset…I mean….I haven’t seen any girls that look like you.
BRITTANY: What does that mean?
GRANDMA: Settle down, Brittany! I have just one more question: What do you look for in a girl?
JUSTIN: A girl has to have a beautiful smile, beautiful eyes and she should have a good sense of humor. It would be a shame to go out with a hot girl you can’t have a decent conversation with.
JUSTIN: Just letting Grandma know what I like in a girl.
BRITTANY: Then you go out with Grandma! I’m not going!!! (Runs to her room)
GRANDMA: Are you ready to go to Allsup’s for a chimichanga?
JUSTIN: (Swallows hard)
GUS: Guess you have a date for Allsup’s.

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