Answers

1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

3.. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

(From Shroyers Time in Salmon)

Riddles

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away ?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!



Next time: The Answers!

For the Person Who Has Everything

Now that you've gone out and bought a Stay Away Law Candle for everyone on your list, here's another great gift idea. From a blog called J-wild:

"Who doesn't need a Wine Glass Holder from Wine Enthusiast for parties and the like. Who hasn't been at a party and wished they had both hands free. I mean it's such a distraction to pick up and put down your wine. If you can just wear it around your neck then you can cut out the awkwardness right!?"

And while you're at it, check out this wine blog.

A Politically Correct Christmas Story

Sent by an anonymous source:

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole …
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolph was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.

Author Unknown

Signs You Might Be a Trekkie

(This was sent to me by a source who wishes to remain anonymous. I thought it was funny.)

Saying "make it so" in casual conversation.

Indignation because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and tritanium.

Able to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without excessive thought first.

Have figured out the stardate system.

An urge to wear lots of Lycra. Scanning shelves at local liquor store for synthehol.

The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your computer, car stereo, dreams, etc.

Major quote sources for thesis are Shakespeare, the Bible, and "The Omega Glory".

Memorization of the crew's authorization codes. Attending a convention wearing non-Terran vestments.

Actual serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the Enterprise from the Franklin Mint.Understanding Klingon.

Playing fizzbin and understanding it.

"The Outrageous Okona" seems like a fine piece of writing and dramatic stylistics.

Paying rapt attention during those endless special effects sequences in ST:TMP.

You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the green skinned Orion slave girl on episode number 7.
You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble. Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information.

You went to San Francisco to see of you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th century looking for a whale.

Your college thesis was a comparison of the careers of T.J. Hooker and Captain Kirk.

You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say, "Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?" You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.

The UPS guy hands you his electronic clipboard and you're tempted to call him the "Captain's Yeoman" as you sign it. Phrases like 'sentient being' start creeping into your speech patterns.

When you find yourself singing "Headin' Back to Eden" in the shower and you know all the words.

You start practicing raising one eyebrow in front of a mirror.

Someone tells a joke and your only comment is: "Humor, a difficult concept"

You flip open your cellular phone and expect to hear it "chirp." You ask local pet stores if they stock tribbles . . and if they're neutered.

You find yourself executing the "Picard Maneuver." You get on an elevator full of people and have to catch yourself before you tell it what floor you want.

You walk to the microwave and start to order dinner.

Sitting in traffic you seriously start wondering why you're using this primitive form of transportation.

After seeing a news story about a police shooting you wonder, for a moment, why they just didn't set it on stun. You get upset when you go to get a vanity plate and find that WARPSPD has already been taken.

You see a car with a Starfleet Academy sticker and it seems perfectly normal.

Your wardrobe consists of a lot of black slacks with interchangeable gold, red and blue tops.

All babies start to remind you of Jean-Luc Picard.

You drive by a used car lot and start looking for Ferengi.

You start watching commercials because so many Trek alumni are doing the voice-overs.

You know you watch too much Trek when someone asks you to quote some Shakespeare and you do it in Klingon.

You recognize more than four references on this list.

Mis-Credited!

A blog called Msense copied my Heather Mills rat milk post and even linked back to it, but incorrectly said it came from an Indianapolis blog!

Out of the Playoffs

Kermit got bumped out of the playoffs by the Longhorns from Early, TX. Still, it was their best season in years and seemed to brighten the town's mood.

Odessa Permian is still in the playoffs, however.

If I was blogging in Early, I would call this blog The Early News or Birdtown or something. But I digress.