Monday, February 4, 2008

The Night I Got "Turned In" To America's Most Wanted

How do I start this story? From 2002 to 2006, before my wife found employment with the school district, I worked a weekend job at the local Pizza Hut as a delivery driver. This was in addition to my regular inventory gig during the week.

One Thursday night in 2005, I was on my way back from an inventory in Iraan, Texas, about 120 miles south of my home. Liz and Robert were at home. Liz heard a knock on the front door and opened it to find a U.S. Marshal standing there.

"Good evening, ma'am. Is your husband at home?" he asked.

"No, he's on his way back from Iraan," Liz answered.

"Do you have a recent picture of your husband, ma'am?"

Liz invited him in and showed him the most recent picture that was hanging in the hall.

"No, that's not the man we're looking for," said the Marshal. He thanked my wife and apologized for disturbing her. Apparently they had received an anonymous tip that a man named David Creamer, who had been recently featured on America's Most Wanted, was in the area and delivered pizzas in Kermit.

He doesn't look like me except for the glasses. His glasses are identical to the ones I wore at the time. He must have gotten his glasses at Wal-Mart just like me. And I did have a mustache at the time, but not a beard.

Interestingly, Creamer is a diabetic, which I am not. That condition must make life on the run even more difficult.

It wasn't until the Marshal left that Liz noticed the four other deputies on the porch, collectively carrying enough firepower to take down a brontosaurus!

"Is daddy in trouble?" Robert asked his mom.

About a week later, Johnny, the manager at the Hut, admitted to me that he knew the name of the customer who had "turned me in" because he (the customer) had been bragging about doing so. The guy who called the show is a security guard and fancies himself an amateur sleuth.

I still see this guy around town, and I've never spoken to him about the incident. I saw him at the grocery store on December 31 and wished him a happy new year. He wished me the same. I am trying to forgive him. Inwardly, though, I still say "G-r-r-r..."

Everyone at Pizza Hut thought the whole thing was funny. My household was not amused.

As for Creamer, he remains at large, probably stopping in from time to time at Wal-Mart to get his glasses adjusted. And probably ordering testing supplies from Wilford Brimley.

And as for me, it was just a coincidence that I decided to get different glasses and shave my mustache off.

How do I end this story? Well ... if you're a fugitive from justice, why not leave me a comment? Or better yet, just keep running...

And as for the rest of you ... say, doesn't that person delivering pizza in your neighborhood look a little seedy?


jel said...

we live to farback in the woods for pizza delivery :(


I always knew there was something fishy (or froggy) about you.

I'm going to be watching for pictures of you at the Post Office. :)

preacherman said...

Thanks for the post.
I hope you have a great week brother. Now you got me in the mood for some pizza! :-)

preacherman said...

Not PIZZA HUT How about CI-CI Spinich Pizza. But I always have to fight my boys for Gatti's or Chucky Cheese Pizza for all game. I hate that yet love to play the games. You know who hogs all the tockens in our house???????? You guessed it?????? ME

Anonymous said...

You think you really know someone and then something like this happens! Tell the truth now, were you really in Iraan? Or were you out watching the Marfa Lights? It was really the MIB looking for you!!!!

Matt said...

That is a stinkin' funny story (since it wasn't me). Man you know who it was and you've never talked to him about it. I have always wondered if anyone had been falsely accused because they looked like someone on AMW. Now I know one! Super Duper. Have a good day.

David Kirk said...

jel: I'm glad you live in a pretty and unspoiled place. You are a person wiser than me!

Trey (or TREY): Keep your eyes open and keep John Walsh on your speed dial! (God bless him!)

preacherman: Robert would live at Chuck E Cheese if he could!

Anonymous: I may have to post a video of the Marfa Lights for those who haven't seen them. Thanks!

Matt: Another funny thing is, the guy that turned me in always tipped me well, before and after the incident! Go figure ...

Monalea said...

Wow, should I ask for your autograph????? For the past 28+ years I knew there was something suspicious about you.


ps - does Daryl know???

David Kirk said...

Monalea: Daryl knows I'm a character.

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